“The whole pretzel thing happened because the president was alone,” says one White House source. “And the president was alone because he couldn’t get anyone to watch TV with him.”
Exactly why Mr. Bush, the leader of the free world, had difficulty finding anyone in the White House willing to watch football with him is unclear. Insiders speculate, however, that it may have had something to do with the president’s habit of calling associates by jocular but sometimes irritating nicknames.
This week, White House aides have been blanketing the nation’s shopping malls with flyers seeking a person willing to give up a Sunday afternoon so that the president would not be left dangerously unattended. Some knowledge of CPR, the Heimlich Maneuver and National Football League rules and penalties is required for the position, which does not come with any salary or benefits.
Hank Dyson, 54, a tire salesman from Springfield, Mo., volunteered to spend Super Bowl Sunday with the president, even though he had already made plans to watch it at his brother-in-law’s house.
“President Bush said that all of us Americans had to make sacrifices,” says Mr. Dyson. “I guess this is what he meant.”
In related news, Fisher-Price announced that it was donating a state-of-the-art infant monitor to the White House today. The monitor, a company spokesman said, would alert First Lady Laura Bush to any unusual gagging or choking sounds she might not otherwise hear.
